Saturday, November 27, 2010

Parting ways with my son at child care

Tears welled up in my eyes.  I couldn't believe that I would feel this intense feeling of guilt and abandonment when leaving my little boy at childcare. 

Friends had talked about their own experience leaving their child in care with strangers for the day so they could go to work but I never really understood how they felt.  It just didn't connect with me until I was put in the same position.

So Charlie's first day was harder for me then him but at the same time I felt so sad and he knew something was going on.  He grabbed my leg and kept hiding behind me from the ladies and children.  Such a little sensitive soul my little boy. 

We encouraged him to sit with the other children around a small table to have breakfast and then when he wasn't looking I sneaked out through a door into another room and left him.   I couldn't bear to see him upset that I had gone. 

In the car I cried.  I felts so bad. 

It's been more than a year since I first parted with him and he still cries and I cry a bit inside too.  They tell me he is okay about five minutes after I leave playing with the other children.  He is fine.  I'm not completely fine but he's in good hands. 

Parting ways with my my little boy is hard sometimes.

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